What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 05:54
I was 9 years of age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
What is a good tool for product analytics besides Google Analytics?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
How do you have intercourse with a girl who can remember you for a long time?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I waited trembling.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Nvidia Stock Slips. Why It Might Be Entering Its ‘Apple Era’. - Barron's
Why did i forgive my father ?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why do some men like anal sex?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was very sick at this time too.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
How can I remove decimals in math?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Musk threatens to decommission a key space station link for NASA - AP News
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My family never makes their pension either.
Why is it important for Hollywood celebrities to come out against Trump?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But it wasn’t much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Astronomers discover most powerful cosmic explosions since the Big Bang - Space
She loved him until the end.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My life is so biszare .
The Forgotten History (and Slippery Science) of Canola Oil - Eater
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Who then, do I blame.?
Would this be the day?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She wouldn,t have been !
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were not on the streets..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I could never make a relationship work though!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So, i spoilt her more .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So whats the point in blame.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But ive been too sick for many years..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She found it foreign!.
Ive learnt so much.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I said to her
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It was going to be , some day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I have no regrets .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was seconnd youngest,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One cannot live in the past .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
This is soul school!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
All the time i was locked up.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was scared of men, in general
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What did i know ?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was in good health!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I write beautiful poetry .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
When she asked me how she looked .
But, we were locked up after school.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She married twice! .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Was to survive, this bastard.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And i lived it daily.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I think the readers, may guess!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We all went to grammer schools
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He knew the spot.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Put me off passion for life!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I will be 64.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Comes on , in middle age.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im still living with it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.